The Monday After

I think that two days of jamming to DMB is just not enough! I want to wake up and head to a concert of his everyday! Last weekend was a memorable one. Shaun and I traveled up to WPB on Friday after work, had our own happy hour in our hotel room and then ventured over to the amphitheatre. Dave rocked on Friday, but he really got down on Saturday. We stood in the pouring rain for what felt like forever before he even came onto the stage, but 5 minutes before he started strumming on his guitar, the rain finally stopped! From that moment on my feet and hips didn't stop moving. I could have danced all night. I am already anticipating next year!

This too shall pass

Today is better than yesterday, but not so much. The dark cloud still hangs over my head. My happy thoughts are being pushed away by the sadness. My emotions are up and down and back and forth. All over the fucking place! Why do I get like this? I have everything to be thankful for. Everything to look forward to. Loving arms to hold me when I lay my head down to sleep at night. Hormones are cruel. Tomorrow ml and I are getting away. We are going to dance and sing and scream for Dave Matthews. We will fall in love all over again, and again, and again. Because I know above all else, our love is "so right".

Insanity

Torture. It's what I do to myself. No one does it better. I drive myself crazy with my out of control thoughts. I don't know where they come from. I can't explain it. I make myself sick with my emotions. I doubt it all. I cry for pain that isn't even real. I cry for a love that is lost when it is still there firmly in my grasp. I am haunted by a face. I am haunted by a name. I am haunted by memories that are not of my own. By pictures that I am not in. How long will this last? Where is this energy coming from? Please just go away.

Birthday

In less than a week I will be 27 years old. It seems like only yesterday that I was celebrating my 17th birthday with my high school friends. I wonder how I pictured my life to be in ten years back then? Well, some things haven't changed. I will also celebrate this birthday with my high school friends. My dear friends. The few that I hope to have in my life always. Misty was there for #17 and she will be there for #27 and hopefully #37! Honestly, when I say out loud that I am 27 or about to be I think WOW that sounds really OLD! Not in a bad way, but more like a "where in the hell did the time go kind of way"!

Yesterday I was mistaken for only being 18. I wasn't sure if I took it as a compliment or not. In one way it's flattering to look so young, but then in another way I think is this observation based on my looks or on the way I act? I certainly don't feel like an 18 year old. Those days are long gone and I don't even think I would want to go back.

Shaun will be by my side this year as well. I remember listening to a voicemail from him last year on my birthday. To this day he claims that I never invited him to my party at Misty's, but I know I did, just not personally. It was more like a I told my sister to tell him to come kind of thing. Anyway, I think the message he left for me said something about be safe and have a happy birthday. I can't remember. I wish I could. I do remember that it made me smile and I wished that he had come to my party. I wonder what would have happened that night if he did? We weren't meant to be that night though. Fate wanted us to wait a little longer.

Anyway, I am looking forward to turning 27. It will be a great night with ml (Shaun), my friends and hopefully my sisters. I will laugh my loudest laugh, drink my goose and tonic, and devour my Prezzo apple tart! Then maybe, just maybe dance my booty off afterwards, but we'll see I might be exhausted, I am almost 30 you know!

1st day

My first day of blogging on my new blogspot. This is kind of exciting! I have posted a few blogs before on Myspace. I actually even had someone steal what I wrote and post it as their own blog! Somewhat flattering, but mostly just plain deceitful. Well, I am at work for the day. Got my mug full of Jamaican Me Crazy caffe and I just received a surprise visit from the man who makes my heart skip a beat with one glance. Oh love is a splendid thing!